bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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