ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
