btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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