i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
