Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
