dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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