break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
