you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize