Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
