I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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