1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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