Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
