Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
