I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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