Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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