It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
