it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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