Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
