Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
