Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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