I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
