At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
