I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
