Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
