apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
