At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Randomize
