fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
