Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
