Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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