At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
