i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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