So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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