he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
