the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Randomize
