It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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