dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
