"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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