he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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