dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
