Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize