Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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