im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
