We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
