you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I need a beard to bite.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
