i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
