There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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