He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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