Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You dont lie about slip and slides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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