There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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