the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
