Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
