...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
