Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
