after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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