$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
