How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
