Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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