called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
