I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
