She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How naked do you want me to be?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
