do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
