Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
