It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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