it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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