he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
