I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
