wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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