I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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