My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
