you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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