i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
