i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
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I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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