that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
