I cannot find my penis.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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