The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
