You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
