So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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