my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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