I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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