I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
