She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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