one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
