My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm passing your future prison.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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