Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
