alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
