Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
